Friendships, Relationship and all the ships in the sea…
What is the difference really between all these ships? If I look at my life right now there are very few ships I regards as important. Firstly I would regards all connections with people I feel very strongly too as important ships in my life. But what is the difference between all these ships.
What is a friendships?
The referral contains two words – Friend – Ship. Friend is someone who you meet and inevitably have things in common with and thus start spending time together.
Lets look at the meaning of the word friend:
A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
We share our whole lives with many people who we regard as friends and they are not always stable or forever. Ship is a vessel used to sail the ocean or sea or water based area to transport things or people; a vessel that can be small or large and that can hold any size of matter. So a friendship is than thing that starts with someone who you have something in common with on an emotional level, with who you then build a vessel of understanding and tolerance that drifts on the sea of life with no real course or direction, but still remains a float.
A friendship is where two or more people come together with not so similar views, but choose to remain acquainted regardless of the diversities which may divide them. A friendship really has no bounds or limits. A friendship is really something else. It’s strange how people place this ship highly above any other ship in their lives, when these kinds of ships when chosen lightly can drastically change the course of your life. So friendships we think and believe are chosen. But are they really? The most important thing we need to know about a friendship is right there in the meaning, it is something typically excluded of sexual or family relations. Exclusive. Does not have. Is without. Friends don’t have sex and are not family; blood relations. Why is this so? Why can you not be friends with someone you want to be intimate with? Why does society decide that this is what the definition of a friendship is?
So let’s take it a step further and delve into the other ship… The ship we believe just comes on its own.
What is a relationship?
The referral contains again two words – Relation – Ship. So what does the word relation mean? Have you ever thought about it out of the context of its binding word relationship?
The word “relation” has so many meanings:
The way in which two or more people or things are connected; a thing’s effect on or relevance to another.
“questions about the relation between writing and reality”
The way in which two or more people or groups feel about and behave towards each other. “the improvement in relations between the two countries”
Formal – sexual intercourse. “did you always have good, healthy relations with your wife?
A person who is connected by blood or marriage; a relative. “he has no close relations”
And we all know what a ship is and what it means. A large boat transporting goods or people by sea; that is all a ship really is.
Now here comes the brain cracker. A relationship is nothing but a connection without true feeling. A connection that comes from somewhere shallow without real meaning only the reward of some sort of physical or psychological gain… That is it. Whoah! Hectic isn’t. The meaning of the word relationship or relation on its own has no references to the word friend or love. It reference is words like, connections, feel about, and just sexual intercourse. There is nothing wonderful about this word at all. There is nothing really wonderful about the word friendship either. We have “decided” that it is what it is. We have given these words power and authority over our lives and we have through these words steered our lives into the ocean of sometimes wonderful bliss joy and laughter, but in more times then we can think into damnation and hurt and pain. Because we have added the words love, affection, understanding, compassion. But all friendships and relationships really need to succeed is one thing; Common goal. In order for a friendship or a relationship to work we need a common goal. Which we believe is magically imprinted in all of us. Well its not. Common goal can only be achieved if you have are correctly connected. If you are not, problems will arise within in your ship and it will start to quiver and sway in the big sea of life. And believe me all those words you have loaded on to your ship that you think has kept it a float, love, affection, understanding, compassion is not going to save your sinking ship once the common goal (which a lot of people are not aware of what it is) is missed.
So what are we really doing out here then? We are here to mate and reproduce and evolve. Harsh isn’t it… But it’s true. Friendships come and go and so does relationships. Once we have reached our goal with whoever we choose to be in relations with our ship needs to be docked or it sinks. Now sometimes we think entering into relations with a friend is a “good” choice because we “believe” we “know” them well enough to “trust” them. But friendships again are encouraged by a common goal. When we are young the “friends” we choose are based on feelings of belonging or fulfillment and attention seeking, but as we get older it’s based on feelings of belonging and fulfillment, attention seeking, status, and gain. It is proven when you gossip about people who you consider your “friends” and get mad when the same is done to you. Or when they do things with other people they don’t do with you, like have a different goal with someone else and pursue it. Friendships are a myth. Relationships are a myth. (the kind we believe in really). So what do we do now?
We do nothing.
We are human beings and we will always be just that. We are not animals even though we are far worse than animals. We need what these ship carry power and authority, opportunity.
Why do our “relationships and friendships” fail?
We lie about our common goal because we are not really seeking a friend to have relations with; we are really seeking a mate.
What is a mate? The sexual partner of a bird or other animal.
“A male bird sings to court a mate”
Yeah but I just said we are not animals… Not physically, but when it comes to primal instincts we are all animals and believe me it works with all species the same way. We need Sex! We need the satisfaction of sexual intercourse; the physical satisfaction that it brings. This is not something we can ever escape even if we tried. And believe me there are ways to avoid these thing. But it is not something that is connected to the feeling again of Love. Love is something completely on it its own. Love is not sex. It is not a friendship or a relationship. Love is when these things friendship and sex and relations and common goal is met. That only happens for a very few species and humans are not really in that category because we are terrible at being faithful or truthful. Nothing about us is real. We are not like animals; whom are just animals, some mate for life and some don’t. Some only have sex seasonally and are okay with it, animals didn’t get what we got, a will. We have evolved to the point where we can distinguish between good and bad. Or at least what we have been brainwashed to believe is good and bad. We have created all these relations in order to control our species. We have bound ourselves to these myths because we believe we need them. We believe that we cannot have sex without love or kids without a partner/mate we need to be bound to something or someone who allows us to reach our goals. We can’t be a single being.
So where does it leave me? Me.
It leads me to the conclusion that my life and my existence is as follows: I have courted many mates some for sexual satisfaction and some for personal gain and some for a blissful life but some I have courted to be in my life forever. Some I have grown to love and they will forever be apart of me, because I have set no goal for them in my life. I love them purely for what they mean to me spiritually. Their main goal in my life is to make me laugh and give me joy. Everything else is for my own personal courtship with myself.
Are you in relation with yourself? When you look in the mirror is the person staring back at you on track with where you are going? Are you waiting for some friendship or relationship to pan out? Will the person staring back at you be a good friends or relations to the next person? Are you a good mate?
No one is! It doesn’t matter how hard we try, we can not be perfect. Make peace with it and so have friendships and relationships where the ship is filled with only laughter and joy and maybe love. Don’t look for a mate in your friend. If you have decided to enter into a friendship relation with another person, don’t be fooled by thinking just because you are “friends” you will be good mates. A mate is someone purely based on sexual and physical attraction. Sometimes a mate does evolve into a good relation. Sometimes we need to mate before we can enter into relations. Sometimes we only mate. But we have to okay with which ever way it goes.
You see to us sex has became a common goal though it is not meant to be a powerful weapon but a beautiful signature of nature. But we have made it into something that is really a matter of life and death. Animals don’t really care about sex or makes it part of their relations with one another. It is something they need to do and does but it does not define them. In the animal spectrum they do what they got to do. Everyone knows what the common goal is survival and so they live in harmony.
We as human beings don’t know what the common goal is in our global friendships and relationships? We don’t know? Well I think we do know, but we can’t give up our power over each other so that we can live in harmony or equally. We are not okay with making someone our leader but because we have given up power over our lives we don’t have a choice and live in a big façade of fakes friendships and relationships in order to maintain the “common goal” we all think we share but it is unfortunately not so.
If you look at your friends and relationships (sexual or not) right now; what do you see? What is the common goal that keeps you all together? Is it material, is it spiritual? What is your friendship or relationship based on? And if this common goal is not met or reached will the friendship or relationship end?
Are you first and foremost in relation with your self? Are you sleeping soundly at night? Do you think you are a good relation to the next person?
These things are important factors on our journey to enlightenment. We need to firstly be sure of ourselves before we can move on and allow other people into our lives. I have never had many friends or relationships but I have met and acquainted many people. I have make some naive choices and I have surely been gluten for punishment, but I know now what works for me and what doesn’t.
Before climb on board any type of ship please make sure that the common goal is clear to everyone entering this ship. Also it is very important that you are sure about who you are before you climb on board too, so that you will know when its time to jump ship. Remember you are dealing with human beings and they have a will of their own so their intention for climbing on this boat with you might be entiarly different to your reasons for getting on. Keep an open mind and don’t ever let the sinking of that ship define you, mourn the loss of the individual who was on board no matter now brief, but let it go and move on.
Now when you find a mate who you can share everything inside you with, and they are taken by your beautiful mind heart and soul, build a ship of love with them and so grow into your friendship and make sure you have a wonderful relationship. Balance. If our ships are not balanced they will sink.