Today is a bad day for me. I’ve check all my accounts and even though I know my book is great book and I know its a good story i have not sold one copy. Now i know that everything takes time and effort and I know that being successfull is not (in most cases) an overnight thing but I can’t help but feel like giving it all up. They say God helps those who help themselves and I believe that I’ve done a lot and right really just need a break.
I have been through so much in my short life and I’ve worked real hard and I’ve done so many things good and bad that I just really feel like I need a break. Everyday working on this feels like a battle, and it doesn’t matter how hard I try staying positive but believing in this dream is becoming harder and harder.
For once in my life I want things to be easy. I want to wake up tomorrow and everything should work with me and not against me. I know that maybe I have bitten off more then I can chew but I knew when i took on this challenge that I can do it. But everything up to this moments has proven me wrong. Everyone says “wow your book is so great” “wow you have such a great voice” “you are so talented” but why am i still stuck? Why can’t I believe it?
All my life i had known that something inside me was different, i knew that I would be great one day,but it never happened… because i had no-one in my corner rooting me on and believing in me… And now that its all here, I can’t find it in myself to believe in me…
Maybe i should do more… Maybe I haven’t done enough.
Maybe I don’t want it enough.
I sometimes wish i could go back… but I guess its time to make peace with the past and move forward.
I just need a break!