I’m twenty nine years old and my daughter is turning ten in September which if you can all use basic math means that I had her when I was eighteen right just before my nineteenth birthday so that makes me a teen mom and I think the perfect example to tell the world my story. Every day I thank God for the blessings that is my kids and I still to this day belived that God had given me this privilege to have my daughter for a reason, she practically saved my life. I was headed down a road of self-destruction so driven to fit in and be a part of a world I thought that I was left out of that I started doing things that I knew was wrong but because I wanted to be cool and explore and experiment I dwelled off the path and almost became another statistics. Yes today I can say that I did become a part of that stigma we face today, but I did not allow what happened to me to over-power and consume me.
My mother was always someone who spoke to us; me and my sister and our friends honestly about sex and what happens when you have sex and we were never really shied away from the idea of sex like on TV etc. but still society has a way of portraying sex as a taboo and something that should be handled only once your kid becomes pregnant or you catch them in the act or whatever other reason which forces you to look the cause in the eye. So when I became pregnant I knew that it was not because of my parent’s failure but because of mine that I was now on the verge of being a mother when I was only but a child. I wanted to have an abortion it seemed like the most logical thing to do at the time but my moral compass was pointing due north so I had to do the right and responsible thing and that was tell my parents. My father being old school and of course disappointed handled the news badly but my mother, she became my rock and for some reason today she has taught me how to be a better parent each and every day. She looked me straight in the eye and asked me what I was going to do? What was my plan? She made me realise that all this was based on choices, and yes right now I’m in this pickle because I had made the wrong choice but how was my choices for the future going to be and that from that moment on my life was no longer my life and that I had a child now who has become my number one priority.
So I knew that from that moment on I could not disappoint her or my kid and that from now on my life would be my child. Regardless of my relationship with her father I had an equal responsibility towards her and I could not let her down in anyway. My life changed, but for the most I would say that my life changed for the better and that I look back today and see that I really had not missed anything. Young people today are so afraid that they are going to miss out on something if they don’t do it now. The spend their days and nights on social media seeking attention and selling themselves for stupid hearts and likes all the while forgetting who they really are. Once you have stepped into the real world, the one after school, university and college and you actually have to be an adult you will realise that you have not missed a thing.
The unwanted child is your fault. You cannot rob your child of a mother because you did not want the child or because the father left you or because you are still young and deserve a ‘break’ or whatever reason you tell yourself that makes you feel less guilty when you give your kid that Panadol to make her/him sleep so that you can sneak out and waste your life away and wake up the next morning feeling like shit and then being even more angry because your life suck and you never asked for it when your kid is standing beside your bed begging you for some attention… Well you sure did ask for it when you decided to have unprotected sex and allowed yourself to get pregnant and now you’re being a little spoiled brat about it. When you chose to have sex you take on everything that comes with it, pregnancy, HIV, STD anything really so either way you are taking a risk and you have to man up to it. Unfortunately for us woman we of course bare the most shame because we got stuck with the short straw in this case.
Parent who encourage it… I know you think that you’re doing the right thing by helping your kid and you don’t want to see them suffer, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. My mother taught me how to raise my child she did not raise my child for me. She held my hand and guided me and I was eager to learn because I wanted to please her and make her proud of me again. So don’t be mothers to your grandchildren, be a grandmother. Your child gave up their privileged of being ‘young’ when they decided they were mature enough to have sex and deal with the responsibilities that comes with it and if your child can’t handle it than ask yourself what have taught your child about life and responsibility? Do they know what it all means? Do they understand that you as a parent can only do so much? Do they know what you as a parent are willing to take and where you are going to draw the line? Does your kid think you’re a joke, because if you have tell them certain things over and over about something they are doing and you’re not happy about it and they still keep doing it, they most likely think you’re a joke and you have either not set a good enough example or have not been firm enough when conveying your message. So ask yourself… Is my kid a failure because of me or because of them? It was not my parent’s failure but mine, but how many parents can stand back and honestly say that they did not have a hand in their child self-destruction? How many of us are too self-obsessed with our own problems to even notice what our child is going through? How many of us are too tired to educate and teach out kids manners and discipline? How many of us are the child and not the parent? How many of us are at home looking after our teens kids while they are out being young wild and free? How many of us have allowed babies being thrown in drains because we are too ashamed to talk to our kids about sex, condoms and birth control?
So young boy and girl who think that the only way you can show each other how much you love each other is by having sex ask yourself the following questions:
Do you think this person who you are giving yourself too is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with if not then use a condom or wait until you’re on a birth control – sex is indeed inevitable but a child is something you want to share with someone for the rest of your life.
Do you think it’s fair to put your parents through hell because if you are still in school for the most part of their lives your parents are the ones who raise that child while you are still being a child? It’s not fair that your parents are robbed or their lives because you take them for granted and abuse their love and kindness. Yes it is abuse.
How much do you love yourself? Yes, ultimately you’re giving in to some stupid testosterone driven buffoon who only wants your sex… In most cases its a game to these boys and you are their prey and if you don’t start loving yourself and start valuing who you are you will be selling yourself short to the stigma that is society pressures of the new YOLO generation. So ask yourself, do you love this man more than you love yourself, who is clearly pushing you to do something you’re not ready for so much that you are willing to gamble with your life and your reputation – because boys talk and lately video tape shit.
And last but not least – Do you think it’s fair for the kid? Will you really be there for your kid? Will you be there when he or she wakes up on a Friday night and find you there or will they wake up next to your mother or grandmother because you need time to be young wild and free. Will you tend to their needs without feeling like they have robbed you from a life you were supposed to have and that makes you beat your child? Are they the last thought on your mind when you go to sleep and the first thing when you wake up? Are you up before your mom because you need to make sure everything is ready for her so that she can take care of your kid while you’re out working hard to change your life and still become who you are meant to be despite the setbacks in your life and not the other way around. Do you really not care if the father is in your kids life or not, because regardless of him you got to be there and realize that it really doesn’t matter, you got to be there, or will the new man in your life become your main priority and your kid just a lass and a nuisance because your being stupid and irresponsible again.
Think about it for a second… Is it all really worth it? Your life your parent lives and most importantly your child’s life?
If you’re not planning or willing to be a good parent then don’t have unprotected sex it’s really a lot more complicated than you think… And if you think that you can throw the kid away or have an abortion without anyone knowing… Just know, that you know and the worst demons a person can deal with is the ones we lock away within ourselves and ultimately they will destroy us.